Written for students, tightfisted or otherwise...

After 11 tips on getting the most value for your PhD, here's 10 easy ways to reduce select costs in your student budget. If, like me, your grant barely covered your living expenses; your part-time pay always arrives too little, too late; and everyone confuses you with a social worker holding a "will work for nothing" placard, it's time to make like Tony and fight back. So, I'm kick-starting celebrations of "National Tighfisted Students Day" with a list of all the low-cost options cash-strapped students should take full advantage of:

1. Get recharged.
I'm not promoting squatting close to the campus and stealing from its electrical supply, but you should at least ensure that you your laptop, mobile phone and all else electrical and portable gets recharged at your campus, daily. Frankly, if it's good enough for the well-paid domestic worker to do at Mom's, it's good enough for us low/no- income scholars. And with the way local electrical prices are rising, it may make the difference between that hot date happening at the Wimpy... or, heaven forbid, Engen corner bakery {that's at year end, of course!}

2. Cheap, but cheerful food.
Eating off campus is like traveling around the EU and choosing to eat in its most expensive country, Switzerland. Just plain stupid; who wants to feel guilty about pooing R 500 down a loo? Fortunately, you're not going to spend even a twentieth of that as you take a long walk around your sprawling university campus to find out where the best subsidized food and drink is.


4. Market your University, for less.
Yes, you can declare your allegiance satorially, and be cheap at the same time; freshers' week is not the best time to buy University clothing for less... please contain yourself until year-end exams; prices tank as stock is cleared and you score.

5. Save on textbooks.
It may be convenient to buy all your textbooks at the local bookshop, but it's expensive. "Time is money" and since you've probably got a lot of the former, you should dispose it by sourcing your textbooks from less expensive sources, including; your campus' second-hand book store, noticeboards and online (simply ordering new textbooks online can save you stacks). You should also see what's available under open educational resources; such as free course materials, and check-out your libraries.

6. Free computer internet access.
If you live in the developing world, a nice perk of University life is internet access at speeds that are faster {at the very least in theory} than many entry-level subscribers get outside the Ivory Tower. Plus, your available download sizes are probably larger, too.

7. Free entertainment.
As all study and no play makes for a dull student life, it's important to take advantage of the free entertainment you can. Fortunately, you are in the right place; plenty of bandwidth, many "academic" servers and loads of time for techies to crack on, means that free entertainment (via peer to peer,  intranets and other services) is easy to obtain; you just need to know who to ask... Of course, copyright infringement is not endorsed by me, your academic institution or your country's laws. So, understand its consequences. If its scary, you can always take out music and films from your university library...

8. Free condoms.
Speaking of risks, it's not funny to pay a hundred bucks for that Contempo Rough Riders or Durex Natural Feeling Lubricated box, when you can get free condoms @ your local university toilet? Since they are no longer stapled onto flyers, nor come in Chinese sizes, you can be confident that they will work as well as the ones you previously paid for (you know, 98 times out of 100, IF perfectly used).

9. Student card freebies.
Save your travel money; use your university's buses or vans when traveling from campus to campus, or places nearby...

11. Free water.
While it's unlikely to see the sharp price rises like electricity, it's always useful to fill up your water bottle at the start of the day and do a number two at its end.

I hope that this has helped you gain a few new ideas to cut down on your student expenses. Please use the comment box below to suggest any others (especially those relevant to South African students)? Ta muchus.

P.S. And if you need more, there are 50 tips on moneysavingstudent.com; mostly geared for those in the US. I could not Google anything for ZA locals, so this is my contribution!

Written for the South African Chapter of the Limit Christmas Boxes To Those You Know Foundation.

Be warned, it's that time of year when the contemptible aim to take full advantage of one's generosity....

Now, there are a certain number of indignities in December that dwellers down South have no choice but to put up with: for starters, a fair amount of Christmas' symbolism is lost when one's in the wrong season; White Christmases are simply lost in translation during hot Summer nights. There's nothing one can do about this... except cynically hope that climate change is more far-reaching than predicted. Similarly, it's counter-productive to be upset about the paradoxes embodied in partially-costumed Santas popping up at the roadside; garbage bags in tow. One's grumbling won't prevent them plying you for rubbish and cash, next year.

Fortunately, one indignity is avoidable if SAffers unite to combat those opportunists-in-uniform who genuflect to complete strangers for undeserved Christmas Boxes, year after year. To help you combat this scourge, here are some choices to combat the evils of Xmas Doose:

Take advantage of reincarnation
"Christmas box? But I'm a Buddhist. In dreams, Buddha told me I should only give Christmas boxes in my next life." Feel free to substitute Buddha with any other deity related to re-incarnation.

Join the Cashless Society
Carry a spare, empty wallet for occasions just like this. Open it in front of the supplicant, saying; "I'm afraid I'm a member of the Cashless Society. Do you take credit cards or mobile phone payments for your Christmas box?" If the answer's yes, I regret I can offer no refunds!

Learn a foreign language
If you know a foreign language, speak only that to the erring supplicant. Hopefully, it's not his third or fourth language.

Bigotry is everywhere
This one requires a high-degree of bloody-mindedness and indignation. Shout angrily; "Everywhere I go, I'm asked for a Christmas box. Do people think that because I'm , that I'm made of money? That cash grows on trees in my backyard? That silver and gold coins fly out of my microwave? I'm gatvol of being asked this by bigots. So, are you a bigot?"

If there's a danger of this becoming a rational, two-way conversation, simply go berzerk, launch into a nonsensical rant about political corruption, communist-para-statal-failure, a culture of entitlement, etc... Then visit your shrink to deal with the pent-up anger that years of unsolicited, unwarranted Christmas box requests have led to.

Pack a few empty Christmas boxes
This one takes the most preparation... wrap an empty shoe box with Christmas paper. Carry it around for handing to the undeserving supplicant. If it's opened before you, with shock that it's empty, say: "But you asked for a Christmas box. And that's just what you've got. It's not right to look a gift horse in the mouth, bru."

Or simply try the fail-safe
"I only give charity to the unemployed."

Thanks for joining me in only supporting deserving charity this Christmas; leave the silly season to fools.

Amen to that,
Travis.

Written for members of the South African Christmas Box Fatigue Society.

"Bah! Humbug!", Travis grumbled to an unknown petrol attendant at a strange BP on being asked for a Christmas box. Reflecting that this was neither an erudite nor emotionally intelligent way to say NO, he resolved to master the art of verbally ducking future Christmas box requests from undeserving chancers (or Xmas Doose) and share his ideas with you.

Now, in South Africa, the Christmas Box is a present usually given before the December Holidays for services rendered throughout the year. It is the domestic help's, gardener's, postman's, waste removal teams' (yes, very much plural), et al. equivalent of a thirteenth-cheque. It is ingrained in South African culture; like sunshine, braaivleis and amoral leading men (think Stander, Tsotsi and Jerusalema, fellow patriots)...

It is totally bogus for complete strangers to ask you for Christmas boxes, but that won't stop them. So, here's a list of four excuses to tackle Xmas Doose with linguistic cunning and emotional aplomb:

1 The Recession, Buster.
State bluntly: "I'd like to. But I just can't. I've just been re-trenched. At least you have a job!" Unlikely to work when you are driving a wa-benzi-type-vehicle or caught with bulging wallet.

2 You want to give me a Christmas Box?
Pretend you have a hearing problem. Look completely ignorant, say; "No thanks, I don't want a Christmas Box." "No, really, you don't have to give me one." "It's OK. Please keep yours." Frustrating for doos, very funny for you (and onlookers), if done well.

3 No credit, sorry.
Blurt out; "Sorry. My bank manager said I can't give any Christmas boxes this year. You don't want to put me in greater debt, do you?" N.B. Must be done with a completely straight face. And, ideally, puppy dog eyes.

4 I'm turning Japanese, I really think so.
Quietly say: "I've recently become a Japanese citizen. It's against my culture to tip anyone, especially a stranger." If pressed that when in SA one must do as SA citizens do, say angrily; "Like you eat raw octopus in Japan, huh? You lie!"

Wishing You A Very Merry Xmas-Doos-Free Christmas,
Travis.